This blog is 2 years old and I have not done a damn thing with it!
So . . . Happy Birthday, Mom’s Law Blog. Here’s to another year of trying to figure it all out.
mom's law blog
Managing motherhood and life after law school, one day at a time
Monthly Archives: July 2016
Being on the Other Side of the Table
Does anyone else Google “how to answer interview questions?” Or “how to make a good first impression in an interview?” I have. Even when I am not interviewing for a job. I do this because I have often times been on the other side of the table . . . the interviewer. I want to know which candidates are giving canned responses and what the internet is telling people will “land you the job of your dreams.”
In my past position, I interviewed numerous candidates to fill the vacancies for staff that held support functions in our office. Now, as an attorney, I have been asked to continue my role as a panel interviewer for incoming attorneys. I was blown away when they asked me to stay on in that role and I have enjoyed every minute of it.
Recently, I had the pleasure of sitting on an interview panel at my law school. During the part of the interview when the interviewer asks “so, do you have any questions for me?,” the last candidate of the day turned to me and asked:
“I heard you are an alum of this law school. Can you tell me the one thing that you learned in law school that makes you successful in your job?”
Without even thinking about it, I responded “protect your reputation, because you never know who will be sitting on the other side of the table.”
It’s more true than I think some new attorneys will ever have the ability to understand. I started to appreciate that fact more when I started interviewing other attorneys that I either knew of or heard of during law school.
I explained to the candidate that your reputation in the legal community starts in law school because you are sitting next to your future colleagues. People who you will work with for the rest of your career. How they know you in law school will be how they perceive you for the rest of the time you interact with them during your legal career.
I can think of two attorneys that I currently work with as opposing counsel. I know how they played fast and loose in law school and I know they are probably flying by the seat of their pants in the cases we have together. I can think of another currently unemployed attorney who reached out to me for a referral for a position in my office. I was very direct and explained to them that I did not know anything about their work ethic as they were rarely in class and failed to show up to our final group presentation. And for those reasons, I was not comfortable in making the referral. They probably cussed me out, deleted my email, and moved on to find the next person they could suck a referral out of. All I know is that I will never refer someone for a job in my office that I cannot personally see myself working alongside of.
So, to all of you thinking about going to law school, starting your 1L year, or even entering your 2L year, protect your reputation because you never know who will be across from you at that table when it comes time to interview for that job you really want.
The Role of a Mommy Attorney
I am no expert. My opinions are my own from my own experiences and a lot of deep thinking over a glass (or two) of Malbec.
In the later part of Little Bit’s first year of life we had an in-home caretaker help us out a few days a week. She helped another family the other days of the week. The mother of those children was an attorney.
Unfortunately, I did not have a lot of interaction with our caretaker. My husband worked from home so a lot of the conversations had regarding the mommy-attorney of the other children occurred between Mr. Mister and our caretaker. But they have always stuck with me.
The two things that stuck out were: “she always chose work over her children” and “even when she is home, she has no time for her children.” I want to be clear that she was in no way bad-mouthing this other mother. And, we didn’t even know this other family and probably never would. But the instances that our caretaker used as examples were enough to make me consider the role of a mommy attorney.
Now, I understand that the solo-moms, the ones doing it all on their own, are in a whole different category than what I am talking about now. What I have experienced is the role of a mommy attorney who is doing it with the help of a partner.
BE A PRESENT ATTORNEY!
When I am at work, I am in full on work mode. Stand back! I am laser-focused on the tasks I have ahead of me and I know I need to be able to complete everything I have to do in the hours I am in the office. I am an attorney as soon as I walk into that office.
I limit my personal phone calls – but who is really going to call me anyway? I am rarely on my cell phone – I am pretty burned out on social media. And my lunches are usually at my desk or last no more than 45 minutes when I run out to eat.
Here’s the thing: I don’t want to bring work home with me. Period. I am away from my family for hours during the day, I don’t want to be forced to bring work home with me because I was bad at managing my time while at work. So I am present when I am at work.
BE A PRESENT MOMMY!
Then, I am present when I am home. The minute I walk in my front door I am greeted by two barking dogs and a child that CANNOT WAIT to give me a kiss and a hug. She is my priority the minute I walk in the door. I hug and kiss her and ask her about her day at school. I am a mommy as soon as I walk in that front door.
Although I may have a million things that I could be thinking about for work, I try to remain focused on my family. Little Bit and I will cook dinner together while Mr. Mister gets some things done around the house. Then, we practice letter recognition or play musical instruments or play with whatever toy is keeping her attention that day.
Then, before I know it, it is bed time. While I know I can rush through “the routine” to get a few additional minutes of me time, I don’t. I will always heed the advice to enjoy my child while she is young because they grow up so fast. IT’S. SO. TRUE!
So, instead, I read her the books she chooses, even if they are 15 pages long. And I do the voices. And I let her interrupt me to ask questions. And I even let her try to count the number of shiny scales on the Rainbow Fish (she says there’s 20). Then we sing songs. And I let her sing along with me and make up her own words and slightly delay the inevitable, because I am a mommy and I am present in that moment.
BE A PARTNER!
Before me and Mr. Mister had Little Bit, he had a discussion with me that will forever stick with me. He said we always have to put each other before our child. This made so much sense once he explained it to me.
He explained how if we fell apart, we were no good to a kid. We had to make sure we appreciated each other, stood by the others decisions, and to never let our kid divide us or pit us against one another.
This has worked for us. It has taken some practice during the times of extreme stress, but we feel our child is such a great kid because we show her how to love and appreciate things and people through our example.
We make sure that we stay connected. We talk every night before bed about the things weighing on our minds. We also talk about the funny stuff . . . more often than not we are laughing hysterically because we are each just weird enough for the other to find the comedy in it all.We have date nights once a month, if not more. Day dates are my favorite, but Mr. Mister prefers evenings out.
In addition to being a mommy and attorney, I also have the honor of being someone’s wife. A role I take as seriously as all the others.
BE YOURSELF!
On top of everything else I am making time for in my day, I can’t forget about myself. THIS IS HUGE! Also, I’ll admit, the hardest role in my life.
I am still me. Regardless of the hat that I am wearing on any given day at any particular time, I am still me. I have emotions like everyone else. I have fears like everyone else. And I have the limits just like everyone else.
In order to keep my life functioning, I need to make sure I am functioning. So, I work out 3-4 times a week. Also, I will take a hot bath when time permits or wake up early to take an extra long shower. I have been reading books like crazy lately (hence the lack of posts). I will take a morning to run the errands I need to handle for myself. Or, there have even been times where I ask Mr. Mister to allow me to take a quick 20 minute breather when I feel I have reached my limit.
If you allow all of the roles you juggle to overwhelm you, you will eventually burn out. Luckily, I realized this sooner rather than later.
I never want to be that person that had to choose one role over another. Right now, my job and family situation allow me to handle all of these roles: mom, wife, woman, attorney. And I feel I am fulfilling these roles up to my standards.
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