I am no expert. My opinions are my own from my own experiences and a lot of deep thinking over a glass (or two) of Malbec.
In the later part of Little Bit’s first year of life we had an in-home caretaker help us out a few days a week. She helped another family the other days of the week. The mother of those children was an attorney.
Unfortunately, I did not have a lot of interaction with our caretaker. My husband worked from home so a lot of the conversations had regarding the mommy-attorney of the other children occurred between Mr. Mister and our caretaker. But they have always stuck with me.
The two things that stuck out were: “she always chose work over her children” and “even when she is home, she has no time for her children.” I want to be clear that she was in no way bad-mouthing this other mother. And, we didn’t even know this other family and probably never would. But the instances that our caretaker used as examples were enough to make me consider the role of a mommy attorney.
Now, I understand that the solo-moms, the ones doing it all on their own, are in a whole different category than what I am talking about now. What I have experienced is the role of a mommy attorney who is doing it with the help of a partner.
BE A PRESENT ATTORNEY!
When I am at work, I am in full on work mode. Stand back! I am laser-focused on the tasks I have ahead of me and I know I need to be able to complete everything I have to do in the hours I am in the office. I am an attorney as soon as I walk into that office.
I limit my personal phone calls – but who is really going to call me anyway? I am rarely on my cell phone – I am pretty burned out on social media. And my lunches are usually at my desk or last no more than 45 minutes when I run out to eat.
Here’s the thing: I don’t want to bring work home with me. Period. I am away from my family for hours during the day, I don’t want to be forced to bring work home with me because I was bad at managing my time while at work. So I am present when I am at work.
BE A PRESENT MOMMY!
Then, I am present when I am home. The minute I walk in my front door I am greeted by two barking dogs and a child that CANNOT WAIT to give me a kiss and a hug. She is my priority the minute I walk in the door. I hug and kiss her and ask her about her day at school. I am a mommy as soon as I walk in that front door.
Although I may have a million things that I could be thinking about for work, I try to remain focused on my family. Little Bit and I will cook dinner together while Mr. Mister gets some things done around the house. Then, we practice letter recognition or play musical instruments or play with whatever toy is keeping her attention that day.
Then, before I know it, it is bed time. While I know I can rush through “the routine” to get a few additional minutes of me time, I don’t. I will always heed the advice to enjoy my child while she is young because they grow up so fast. IT’S. SO. TRUE!
So, instead, I read her the books she chooses, even if they are 15 pages long. And I do the voices. And I let her interrupt me to ask questions. And I even let her try to count the number of shiny scales on the Rainbow Fish (she says there’s 20). Then we sing songs. And I let her sing along with me and make up her own words and slightly delay the inevitable, because I am a mommy and I am present in that moment.
BE A PARTNER!
Before me and Mr. Mister had Little Bit, he had a discussion with me that will forever stick with me. He said we always have to put each other before our child. This made so much sense once he explained it to me.
He explained how if we fell apart, we were no good to a kid. We had to make sure we appreciated each other, stood by the others decisions, and to never let our kid divide us or pit us against one another.
This has worked for us. It has taken some practice during the times of extreme stress, but we feel our child is such a great kid because we show her how to love and appreciate things and people through our example.
We make sure that we stay connected. We talk every night before bed about the things weighing on our minds. We also talk about the funny stuff . . . more often than not we are laughing hysterically because we are each just weird enough for the other to find the comedy in it all.We have date nights once a month, if not more. Day dates are my favorite, but Mr. Mister prefers evenings out.
In addition to being a mommy and attorney, I also have the honor of being someone’s wife. A role I take as seriously as all the others.
BE YOURSELF!
On top of everything else I am making time for in my day, I can’t forget about myself. THIS IS HUGE! Also, I’ll admit, the hardest role in my life.
I am still me. Regardless of the hat that I am wearing on any given day at any particular time, I am still me. I have emotions like everyone else. I have fears like everyone else. And I have the limits just like everyone else.
In order to keep my life functioning, I need to make sure I am functioning. So, I work out 3-4 times a week. Also, I will take a hot bath when time permits or wake up early to take an extra long shower. I have been reading books like crazy lately (hence the lack of posts). I will take a morning to run the errands I need to handle for myself. Or, there have even been times where I ask Mr. Mister to allow me to take a quick 20 minute breather when I feel I have reached my limit.
If you allow all of the roles you juggle to overwhelm you, you will eventually burn out. Luckily, I realized this sooner rather than later.
I never want to be that person that had to choose one role over another. Right now, my job and family situation allow me to handle all of these roles: mom, wife, woman, attorney. And I feel I am fulfilling these roles up to my standards.
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